My Life as a Virtual Assistant and Slave

Hello Master, thank you for stopping by! I know that I'm not allowed to ask any questions, but I am fully prepared to take punishment for asking you the following: What did you come here to read about, the assistant part or the slave part?

I was born to please. Never did I understand those individuals whose apparent quest it is to annoy their fellow man. Rather, I can relate to the smiling milkman, the grinning postman who hands over the envelope with eloquence and gratitude for the customer's attention.

The schoolyard is full of kids, some are playing peacefully and others are fighting over some rubber ball. I have been called back by my conscience, which forces me to lie on my hands and knees in search of the golden coin that I saw a sweet girl drop here three days ago. I wanted to pick it up, but the big boys were pushing forward and dragged me into the stream, this mass of little legs and arms moving towards class. Other things demanded my attention, and whenever I wanted to attend to the matter, there was always somebody near. Anyone helping me retrieve the coin will either take it into possession or at least demand a finder's fee, and that would make me unable to…

Please this girl! As I lay on my bed the previous night, all I could remember before falling asleep was that I had to please this girl. I pictured her crying over the lost gold coin, the sudden and unexpected shortfall, the skepticism and disbelief on her parents' faces. I wanted so badly to rescue this girl, whom I barely knew. I wanted her to know me, her prince, to trust me from the first instance, the first encounter, as I handed her the coin, thereby helping her restore the riches.

In every walk of life, most places seemed to be crowded, and when vying for attention – to give and then receive! – someone else always seemed to be around. A voice, a question, an unexpected touch, some slight intrusion. I wanted one master and one master only, whether this master be an individual, an organization, or a corporation. Surely, I should have been a soldier who went to war for the big machine, taking whatever medals and acknowledgments came my way prior to facing the inevitable demise on the battlefield. Flourishing in servitude, I could have gone home so proud in my decorated coffin, to be welcomed by grieving but appreciative relatives and friends who full well would have understood my commitment. I could…

Sorry Master, I may well have ventured too far, strayed too far away from the topic of your expectations, and so I am fully prepared to take punishment for that as well. Double slap is coming my way?

I did none of that, Master. I graduated amongst the masses, diploma in hand. I walked the walk, and took whatever appreciation was thrown my way, but it was never dangerous and I was no more unique than the others pursuing sacrifice in their own best self-interest. There was no altruism in it, and I found none on the corporate ladder either. Hence, I continued for a good long stretch of time to pursue my own good self-interests while passing on a suitable piece of the pie to the corporations so polite and kind to employ me. And then…

Master, I say this in all confidence, I should not have gone where I went. It was the day before my long scheduled promotion that I realized, much to my chagrin and the utter horror of those who loved me and wished me well, that I could not stand being comfortable. I had to sweat a little, bleed a little, struggle and suffer more. It had to be not for me, Master! It had to be for you!

Hence Master, I thank you so gracefully for having come this long way just to follow me putting one line together after another. I humbly bend down and kneel in front of you, my feet and hands stimulated by the rough gravel and dust. I then look up at you in awe and ask: so Master, what was it that you wanted me to write today?

I am a virtual assistant and slave. If you like, I will take your dictation. If you want me to write you a love letter, I will do so. If you tell me that I must write that I hate and despise you, and to do so with all my heart, then I shall sharpen my pen for the task. If you tell me to make love to you with my words, signs and symbols, my playful and manipulative tone of voice, then I shall not hesitate to execute your every command.

So which one is it today, dear Master? Do you prefer straight dictation or something slightly more lurid? Oh please, please please Master, do not turn your back on me without having given me a suitable command; that would indeed be the worst punishment of all!